That’s how long it’s been since mom left us.
This blog space has been on my heart so many days in the last year…but it is so hard to come back here and actually create something…I mean from beginning to end! I have a few posts sitting in various stages in my drafts. Today’s post will not end up there. Today’s needs to be typed. Today’s needs to felt. Today’s needs to completed. Today’s needs to shared!
So much hasn’t happened in this year!
We haven’t seen your beautiful face, mom!
We haven’t felt your touch!
We haven’t eaten a meal with you.
We didn’t get to celebrate Christmas with you present in the flesh.
We didn’t watch you overindulge in purchasing gifts for those you love.
We didn’t adopt a family for Christmas 2019 to assist in their celebration while going through a tough time.
We haven’t had your hugs.
We haven’t heard your voice, your advice, nor your I Love Yous-which hurts the most.
We haven’t been the same people as we were prior to 7:15AM May 23, 2019.
We haven’t forgotten you and we NEVER will!
So much has happened too!
We have seen so many “firsts” since you left.
We have sent you text messages and called your cell phone.
We planned your funeral.
We watched Kiddo graduate from middle school.
We had the biggest celebration of you. There were so many people that came to support us at your funeral, YOU WERE SO LOVED!
We brought you home.
We’ve seen days, weeks and months pass by.
We cleaned up the gravesites in Newburg and planted plants, dad just redid it again and put pavers down around the plantings. Granny G and you would be so happy!
We put Dude down.
We celebrated birthdays.
We planted all the flowers you had bought.
We were saddened when other people we know lost one of their loved ones.
We have mended friendships.
We planted a tree and a bush given to us in your honor.
We watched as the sunshine of your life started high school.
We have seen friendships leave.
We had a family gathering, that we know you were present for!
We had Christmas pictures taken with dad and a photo of you. <3
We watched Kiddo’s height shoot up and over take mine!
We ushered in a new year. I wish someone would have told me how difficult that was going to be and HOW VERY MUCH it hurt to start a year in which you would not be a part of. It was like loosing you all over again!
We attended Trivia Night, and enjoyed ourselves though it turns out dad and I aren’t very good at trivia!
We celebrated your birthday.
We watched as this COVID-19 virus was outside of the US and waited for it to invade here as well.
We lived through the “Safer at Home” orders, or as dad called them “the Governor’s house arrest order”.
We have schooled from home and worked from home, oh how I could use you during this season of life!
We have eaten so many meals with dad, to be sure he is eating well.
We laughed! Even when we thought we never would again, we laughed
We’ve stopped counting the hours every day since you left.
We have heard marvelous stories about you, including a new one just today!
We’ve been encouraged by the life you lived and have tried to live our best days to make you proud.
We have told you we LOVE YOU and we will never stop doing this!
Today is Angel Wing Day! That’s what I will forever call May 23rd. There was a time a few years ago mom told me that you were trying to not put a lot of thought into the days in which we lost Granny G and Gigi. That instead she wanted to focus on their birthdays. The thought behind this was celebrating the birthdays of those we love and have lost may hurt less than remembering the day we lost them. While I completely understand this thought, I have decided that May 23rd will be celebrated, not because we lost my mom, I mean that is crazy to celebrate. We will celebrate because we KNOW she was a believer in Christ. We KNOW that because she was a believer that she is now living in Heaven with those who have gone before her. We KNOW ad rest in the fact that because she was a believer and we are too that one day we too will earn our Angel Wings and once again see her and all the others again. And THAT, my friends, is worth a celebration!
My prayer is that as time goes on and we see May 23rd of each year that maybe this hole in my heart feels a little less big, however I know it will never close-nor do I want it to! I’m, having the hole in my heart makes me feel like it is a forever reminder of your presence. An example of how loved I am and how much you are loved as well.
<3 <3 <3
#SheLoved
#PattiLulu
#SheLived
#AngelWingDay